sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
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I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
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My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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