these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize