I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
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He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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