i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The air taste purple.
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