well I can't set my house on fire every night
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The Olympian is in my bed
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize