I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize