a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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