WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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