The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
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I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
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Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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