I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
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JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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