No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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