nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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