I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
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I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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