my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
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I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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