So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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