I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
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There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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