we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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