a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
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She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
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Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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