The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
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That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
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How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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