My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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