fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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