I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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