u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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