there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize