I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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