So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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