Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
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It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
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Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
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