party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
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I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
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I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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