Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize