Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize