Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
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THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
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The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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