That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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