Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize