I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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