Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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