i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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