omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize