you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I will pee on everything he values.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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