Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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