i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
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Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She bit a glass in half.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
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I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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