I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize