As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have a little drunk in my system
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize