Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
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Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
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How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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