I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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