I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize