you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
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Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
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I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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