I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
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Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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