my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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