Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
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So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
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He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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