these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
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Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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